When I first laid eyes upon the 1984 motivational video classic by a one Mr. Laurence Tureaud, I must say, I was confounded with joy. I couldn’t believe everything I thought was awesome about the 80’s was put together into one epic 50-minute video. Cheese-dripping feel-good synth pop? Check. Horrible, horrible fashions and dancing? Yep. A young Bobby Brown singing about peer pressure? Oh hell yes. And then to throw Mr. T in there … well, my mind nearly shattered at the thought. But it’s real. So, so real.

Not only does “Cop Killer” Ice T share writing credits for the music (many are unaware Ice T is Mr. T’s brother twice-removed), but many of the songs have Mr. T lending his golden pipes along with his chains. And believe me, they’re golden.

Let’s take a gander at the bounty of riches Mr. T’s video has to offer:
 
 
 
 

The Epic Introduction

The introduction starts with a series of sepia tone photos of Mr. T doing what he does best, which is to look really pissed off and all badass-like. A celestial choir of children offsets the yell-singing of the T, who makes sure you’re getting the message with such lines as “YA HEARD ME?” and “…REACH OUT!” The video is a precursor for all that is to come, including singing ridiculous songs about treating your mother right and how anger can leave you covered in potato salad. The video ends with the T hopping around a sun-soaked city with a group of kids. In my mind, it seems like a window into what true happiness looks like.

If you’re not convinced this is the single greatest montage of all time, I can emphatically say you’re wrong.
 

Taking the A-Train to Fashion

In order to not be a fool, you’ve got to have a thing called “styling.” For example, to be a real hot dog, wearing mustard socks and a ketchup sash may be in order. Styling isn’t just the clothes you wear, however. It’s also about how you convulse in a photo studio while Mr. T watches on like Dr. Claw. If you don’t think you have the joie de vivre to pull off a bowler hat and a kimono with your name sewn onto it, don’t fret: these kids were most likely high on paint thinner.
 

Channeling Your Inner B-Boy

What makes Mr. T’s foray into the motivational video realm so powerful is that he goes beyond the traditional subjects of self-empowerment and peer pressure. For example, tripping in front of people. Watching this will undoubtedly give you a moment of lucidity, remembering all the times you could have been impromptu break dancing on the sidewalk and all the applause you would’ve gotten.
 
So reach out and download this now, fool. Ya heard me? I ain’t playin’.
 
Download “Mr. T’s Be Somebody …or Be Somebody’s Fool!” (.torrent file, use your favorite BitTorrent program such as uTorrent to download)