The moustache is more than just a frivolty that adorns a man’s (or very handsome woman’s) face. No, it is a lifestyle.

And as such there are unique attributes that can be gained and lost from growing your fledgling follicles into a full-out, testorone-dripping manstache. For your introductory look into the world of the moustache, I’ve kindly listed the myriad of skills acquired for saying “Hey, I just don’t give a shit anymore. Let’s do this.”

Without further adieu, the ’staches:
 

 
Skills acquired:

+12 Improper hygiene
+7 Fish market employability
+3 Muzzleloader expertise
+1 Salt-curing talents

 
Skills acquired:

+9 Lynyrd Skynyrd appreciation
+7 Spittoon trickery
+3 “New York City?!” exclamation convincability
+2 Primer gray Sunbird ownership

 
Skills acquired:

+14 Peeping Tom conviction
+5 Fashion photography
+3 Brim of nose tinted glasses adornment
+1 Unnecessary lamaze class attendance

 
Skills acquired:

+11 Carnival bell-ringing game ability
+9 Penny-farthing ownership
+5 Bare-knuckle boxing likelihood
+2 Alcohol dependance

 
Skills acquired:

+15 Damsel-capturing
+10 Wiggly eyebrows
+7 Train track proximity
+5 Statue of Liberty detonation blueprints

 
Skills acquired:

+42 Conversion van ownership
+8 Inappropriate wedding inebriation
+6 eHarmony profile
-42 Halloween participation legality

Hold on to your forks, folks... There's pie!

what, no fu manchu? gimme a break man.

Oh billlll sayeth these words on Tuesday, October 20 at 12:50 pm

Do flavor savors too, because those are for douchebags.

usular minor sayeth these words on Wednesday, October 21 at 12:10 pm

There is certainly a dense ecosystem of moustache that I have yet to discuss. It’s sort of like the Galapagos, but furrier. I’ll do another one of these eventually, though.

Rob sayeth these words on Friday, October 23 at 9:54 pm

Gotta add that one muppet character. The guy in the box seats. +5 prune juice

what? sayeth these words on Tuesday, November 3 at 2:36 pm

“-42 halloween participation legality”? Eh?

ROSCO JENKINS sayeth these words on Sunday, November 8 at 11:15 am

haha what the hell is this …. made my night.

anne sayeth these words on Friday, November 20 at 10:34 am

do some female moustaches. i’ll send u a pic of my grandma

Jim sayeth these words on Sunday, November 22 at 12:08 am

this real shows off your twisted mind, bravo

Mr. Nickname sayeth these words on Saturday, December 5 at 9:07 pm

hahaha nice

miiiiike sayeth these words on Thursday, December 17 at 10:48 am

Please hurry up and do more!!!

Kat M sayeth these words on Friday, January 22 at 2:40 pm

you should list how they ride, for completionist sake

shark fruit snacks sayeth these words on Thursday, February 11 at 10:50 pm

I’m reading this the day AFTER the game, but the reipce still sounds delish. I made a big pot of chili, too, and we had some neighbors over. I watched maybe 2 minutes of the game not that interested but I did get to hold a baby, play with my little boy and catch up with some dear friends. Yeah!Jill’s last blog post..

Oups sayeth these words on Wednesday, September 19 at 11:54 am

Leave a Comment, Won'tcha?

Name, nickname, or prison number *

E-mail (if you'd like, will not be published)